Tag Archives: Woman Uncut

A Life Lived with Grace

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There is something hypnotic and humbling when in the presence of true grace. Difficult to define, grace is intangible but unmistakable.

Beautiful and balanced, charming and charitable, delicate and dextrous, elegant and effortless, loving and loved – grace is the power you exude when you are doing nothing other than being your whole, divine self.

Grace is the alluring power of body, mind and spirit in perfect harmony. It is the seemingly effortless radiance of pure joy when you are intimately connected to your own soul. Grace is an understanding that you have incalculable abundance, unfettered joy and all you will ever need.  That you are enough.

In grace, life flows effortlessly and in synchrony. In grace, the  beauty in the minutiae of life is revealed in all its glory.  In grace, your body moves with knowing and understanding, an expression of your inner pleasure with  all that you are.

The life lived with grace is a life lived in alignment with the natural order of the universe. It is an understanding that your very being, the intricacies of your thoughts, the subtleties of your movements, the orchestration of  your cellular communication is as the flight of the swan, the run of the cheetah, the first bloom of magnolia in spring. Perfect and intentioned.

Grace is daring to give what another does not deserve; unwarranted kindness given with love. In grace, love is unconditional. Given freely and without expectation, grace is surrender to the knowledge that love is the essential nature of being and will prevail. Always.

Grace is innocence and perfection,  acceptance of the wonder and magic of life, elegant simplicity and joy, and the unshakable belief in love.

Like a child. My child.

For Grace.

What does grace look like to you? How do you demonstrate grace in your everyday life? Would you like to be more graceful? Share your thoughts below.

The Taming of the Shrew

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Shrew, bitch, battle-axe, fishwife, harridan, she-devil, ball breaker, drama queen. Irrational, aggressive, hysterical, melodramatic, hateful, crazy, highly strung, histrionic.

“Calm down dear!”

The angry woman is subject to many negative and pejorative terms not usually levelled at her male counterpart. From an early age, society and parents make clear to little girls that anger is ugly, unfeminine, and definitely not ok. But in belittling the little girl’s right to anger, they take away her ability to express her distress.  Without healthy modelling of positive ways to utilise and harness the power of anger, that little girl grows into a woman who avoids expressing her anger at all costs, or turns it inwards against herself, or has no idea how to express that she is hurt, or adopts addictive behaviours, such as comfort eating, to avoid feeling it at all.

I am currently trying to deal with my own anger issues. Recently, my unexpressed and unresolved anger has been spilling out all over the place in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. I am scared of my anger, of the depth and ferocity of it, of the feeling that I might somehow be consumed by it or completely lose control of it altogether. Recently I had a huge, shouting, swearing, totally out of control showdown with the Woman Uncut midwife. There were tears and snot and nails and hair – it was not pretty, was over something pretty petty and my behaviour was sooooo out of order.  Like all the other times when I have totally lost it, I was left feeling terrible and trying to patch up some viciously inflicted wounds. I realised that I could not go on avoiding dealing with my anger issues and I needed to try to figure out what was really going on.

Anger is a basic human emotion just like sadness, joy, excitement, fear and all the others. We unhelpfully ascribe emotions to “good” or “bad” categories, as if somehow we had a choice in our feelings, and in this hierarchy anger comes top of the list of the baddies. But we have a full range of emotions for a reason and anger is a feeling that says “You are hurt”. Anger tells you what you don’t want, that something is happening which is overstepping your internal boundaries and you don’t like it. It feels uncomfortable, and that is intentional because discomfort is more likely to provoke us to take action to resolve our hurt and restore our balance. The anger itself is not the problem – it is simply the catalyst to move you to protect yourself and clearly express your boundaries.

However, if years of conditioning have left you, like me, unable to express your anger in a healthy way, then you lose touch with what it is you really want and where your boundaries are. If you have never learned the skills to stay with your anger and tune in to what it is trying to tell you, then you don’t recognise what you don’t want and lose touch with the real you, and eventually you react emotionally in a display of fireworks and cursing. Or, if your conditioning has left you in the passive-aggressive camp, you sulk and pierce imaginary daggers into the skull of whoever is pissing you off.

As I am beginning to understand, anger can be a positively powerful force if you make the choice to own it, accept it for what it is and trust the messages that it is giving you. The next time you feel the red mist descending, catch it, feel it, breathe – what is really going on? Is it really the socks on the floor in the kids room, or is it that your partner forgot to do the really important thing that you asked them to do this morning? Is it really about the guy in the car park who took “your” space, or the fact that your friend let you down at short notice again? Once you know what it is about, you are in a very powerful position to respond deliberately and proportionately to what the issue actually is. Thank your anger for showing you where your boundaries are being transgressed, and then let it go.

Until then, I’ll be punching pillows,

Claire x

How do you deal with your anger? What things make you angry? Do you blow your lid over seemingly small irritations? Share your thoughts below.

 

That bloody oxygen mask

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In the two years or so since I started my crazy journey of self exploration, I must have read hundreds of articles, blog posts and books about putting your own oxygen mask on first, prioritising self-care, filling yourself up first, looking after yourself, making time for “me time” blah, blah. And I get it – really I do! At an intellectual level I completely understand that it is impossible to continually give your power away in service of others without replenishing your stocks. I have an A-level in physics goddamnit, I know about the law of conservation of energy!

However, whilst I know that giving until you crash is counterproductive, I regularly fail to even locate my own mask, let alone put it on. I seem to be stumbling about inhaling the  somewhat stale air expired by all those whose oxygen masks I have lovingly secured. And even although I know that this leaves me depleted, run down and tetchy, somehow I don’t seem to be able to consistently prioritise my own self care.

Of course, when you are neglecting your own needs, all of your relationships suffer. Have you ever noticed that the days when you are running on emotional empty are the days where the kids are at their most monstrous, or you have an argument with you partner over whose turn it is to take the rubbish out, or you think that  you really might stick pins in the eyes of that woman in the office? Moods are contagious and you and I are creating this reality by not acknowledging that our needs are important too.

Whilst this seems totally obvious to me now, up until very recently I really didn’t understand this. I had reached the conclusion that there was something wrong with me, that I was not capable of being happy, that I was unable to really connect with the important people in my life because I was fundamentally broken. But do you know what – that’s bollocks! I had just completely lost sight of the fact that I am a real person with needs, not an automated giving machine, and I realised that I was expending no energy whatsoever on making sure my own oxygen mask was tight-fitting. I was giving all of my power away with no attempt to re-charge.

The reasons why I, and many women, give until we are depleted are complex and deep-seated. Whilst we might like to think we are giving out of the genuine goodness of our hearts, this is usually not the case. We are over-giving because we are conditioned to believe that giving makes us a good person: the more you give the better a person you will be. Our giving is an element of external approval seeking and becomes a habit.  Stopping to take time for yourself, to really connect with what you need to feel full and powerful and making it happen feels selfish because fundamentally you feel that you are not worthy, that somehow you don’t deserve it.

But you do! Really you do. Your best self is your best gift, and being your best self requires your attention.

Take ten minutes and breathe. What would really rev up your power? What do you really need? Figuring out what you really need is a whole other post, but listen carefully and you will get some idea. It doesn’t have to be a day lounging in a spa, nice though that may be. Do you need to take time to eat well or do some exercise? Do you need a night out with the girls? Do you need to make time to have sex, with your partner or alone. Do you just need half an hour and a cup of tea? Do you need to ditch your soul-sucking job/partner/friend? The answers will come and you owe yourself the energy to make it happen.

Giving is a good thing – it makes us feel good, connects us to people and makes for a better world. Martyrdom however, is not.  Self care is a choice that those in your life will thank you for.

Attempting to untie myself from the burning stake,

Claire x

Do you take time to look after yourself? Do you struggle to make the time, even although you know you will feel better if you take some time for you? What things help you re-charge? Comment below.

Parading your power with love

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Since the inception of Woman Uncut, I have been asked many times what parading your power with love looks like in real life. Divine feminine power comes in many guises and it can be difficult to pin down, to dissect and explain.

As I wrote here, I have felt myself teetering on the edge of this power, never quite fully grasping it and frequently losing hold altogether. I have struggled to maintain a clear vision of what it looks like, but I recognise it when I see it.

We live in an age when Western women have supposedly never had it so good with opportunities for education and employment, control over our reproductive destiny, sexual freedom, and legislation to ensure our equality with men. But despite this, many women who “have it all” feel a sense of emptiness and a lack of wholeness. We have become what society and the media has convinced us feminine should be, and in the main this is a masculine world view, devoid of the female energy so needed by the world today.

So what does a divinely powerful woman in the 21st Century look like to me?

In essence, the powerful woman lives without need for validation from others. She understands that external approval is a fundamental human need and is reassuring to receive, but that depending on external factors to feel good about herself is not the route to true happiness.

The powerful woman knows who she is and what she wants and expresses her authentic truth with courage. She has faith that it is safe to shed the masks and show her true self to the world because she knows that, no matter what anyone else may think, she is perfect just as she is, flaws and all. She understands that she is a unique creature with strengths and weaknesses and that she is, and always has been, good enough.

She draws strength and comfort from her relationships, which she nurtures with deep love, but she remembers that her wants and needs are important too. Certainty in her wisdom allows her to make positive choices for herself and for others. She does not feel it necessary to conform or succumb to that which is not in harmony with what she knows in her heart to be true.

She understands the need to nurture herself; to express herself creatively, to nourish and move her body, to engage herself in work or activity that makes her heart sing, to allow herself to dream big dreams, to revel in her sexuality, to explore her spirituality and sense of self.

The powerful woman knows that there is no need for her power to dominate or flow over others. She is instinctively aware that the intermingling of her power with that of others results in a force greater than the sum of its parts. She is not threatened by difference and understands that collaboration, not competition, is what will be required to overcome the challenges, big and small, faced by our fragile world.

She knows that womankind is at the very centre of the mystery of life, and that from the very cells of her body and core of her spirit,  life is created. She is the vessel of divine, unconditional love and she gives it freely and with joy.

My vision for Woman Uncut is that it become a community of women encouraging each other to shed our self-limiting beliefs and move into our own divine power at our own pace and in our own way. I am not there yet and some days I have doubts that I ever will be. I don’t have all the answers to exactly how you or I achieve this, but I know that this is a path I need to follow, and that the “how’s” will take care of themselves.

With divine love,

Claire x

 

What is your vision of a powerful woman? How do you parade your power with love? Share your insights and comment below.

Image by Jannoo028

A woman’s right to choose?

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Discussion of abortion ignites strong views on both sides of the argument, and the expression of those strong views in judgemental and hateful terms is not uncommon in the debate. The activities of those supporting the “40 Days for Life” Campaign in London recently, who filmed women attending a clinic where terminations are performed, is an indication of how strongly held views can result in callous actions which seem almost contradictory to the underlying belief. I struggle to see how the message of respect for all human life is being conveyed by demonising and shaming women at a point in their lives when they are possibly at their most vulnerable.

Like many women, my personal views on abortion are often conflicted. With two children of my own, I struggle with the concept at a philosophical level and I can understand both points of view.  But fundamentally, I do believe that it is not my place to judge. Nor yours. Nor the Church. Nor the state.

I have a great deal of compassion for those women who find themselves unhappily unexpectedly pregnant, and sympathy for the difficult decision they are faced with. No one plans an unplanned pregnancy; not the rape victim, not the mother of four living in poverty with a partner who regularly beats her, not the 18-year-old just about to leave home for university and a promising future, not the woman who is just not ready to be a mother. For many women the decision to terminate a pregnancy will be the most difficult and painful one they will make in their lives. Women seeking an abortion need compassion and understanding, not vitriol and judgement.

It is widely regarded that the right to abortion on demand is enshrined in UK law. This is a fallacy. The 1967 Abortion Act provides a legal defence for doctors carrying out abortions. The law requires that two doctors reach an opinion that the continuation of a pregnancy is of greater risk to the physical or mental health of the woman than termination. The decision to that a termination is legal is a medical one reached by doctors, not the choice of a woman exerting her own autonomy. The law does not consider that the thoughts and feelings of an individual woman on her reproductive destiny are sufficient grounds for termination.

In September last year, Nadine Dorrie MP tabled a Private Members Bill in the House of Commons which proposed that abortion counselling services should not be provided by organisations which provide terminations, but rather by independent counselling services, many of whom are influenced by pro-life organisations. Her bill was heavily defeated, but the Government set up a Cross Party working group to explore the “spirit” of her proposals. Some of Nadine Dorrie’s biggest and most vocal allies in bringing her proposals are Christian pressure groups, most notably Christian Concern. Their website states: “At Christian Concern we resist abortion and aim to inform women of its dangers. We believe that every unborn child should have their right to life protected.” Christian Concern has financial links with the US-based Alliance Defence Fund, a fiercely right-wing organisation with significant financial backing, which campaigns heavily against abortion and equal rights for individuals who are homosexual.

A public consultation undertaken by the Abortion Counselling Working Group is due open shortly. If you believe that each woman has within her the power to make the right choice for her, and has the right to have that choice, whatever it may be,  respected without judgement, then I would urge you to make your feelings public, parade your power and contribute to the debate.

With an open heart and acceptance, regardless of your choice.

Claire x

Do you feel that reproductive autonomy is a fundamental aspect of female power? Do you believe that abortion is always wrong? Is it the place of the church to intervene? This is a sensitive debate and please be mindful of the Woman Uncut Comment Policy when leaving a comment below

Photo credit m_bartosch